confused: being on the inside
we got into the studio yesterday, three dancers, one musician and one visual artist. it was mad. in the greatest of ways. again, i found myself in a group of people trying to create, using a collective creative eye, and the creative eye being on the inside of the piece.
and yet, again, i found myself wondering about creating from the inside verses the outside. being a performer in the piece, verses being a choreographer on the outside. in school, they said, pointing with the finger, you have to step outside, you have to become the eye from the outside. there was not really an option. if the choreographer was in the piece, it was usually because a dancer had been injured or was sick. but to not even have an understudy that wasn’t the choreographer was a no-no.
this is something i’ve been thinking of for awhile, mostly when seeing dance where the artistic director also is involved in the piece as a performer. is it possible to be in a piece and still get a sense of what the piece is, what it “looks” like, what it is, from the outside? or is this even important? are we maybe past a time when we need that control? does it matter what it looks like? or is all that matters what we do, no matter what it looks like to others than those who are performing?
people i discuss this with talk about the inner voice, and feeling certain ways as the performer. not so much about how things come across, what impression it gives. many times we don’t have a choice, we have to create on our own bodies because of lack of funding and lack of time with other dancers in the studio. it’s hard to find ways to step outside, to get your dancers together in order for the choreographer to solely be the the creator, as opposed to the creator and the performer.
but then again, i don’t know where the difference is. is it a strength to allow yourself, if you can, to step out? is this a trust issue? do you trust your dancers to carry your piece without your own voice as a performer in the piece? or is it a strength to trust your language so much that you skip the observation from the outside?